Dating Advice

Dear Mach,

There’s this guy that I’ve been friends with for a couple years but now I’m starting to have feelings for him. What should I do?


Dear TNK,

You know, as a guy with extremely limited dating experience, I’m not sure that I’m the best person to ask this question of. But since you asked — if it were a guy in that situation, I’d want to hear something like, “Hey, I just wanted you to know I’m totally into you.” And bam! Problem solved.

What, too simple and straightforward? Well, I can suggest something more elaborate, but I have to warn you that my knowledge of dating is mostly fictional and primarily comes from John Hughes movies of the 80s. Try this: throw a birthday party but conveniently “forget” to invite everyone but the boy in question. And then (read this on my blog to see this in script format):


TNK and BOY are sitting alone in a dark room next to a sad birthday cake with SIXTEEN CANDLES.


I’m sorry that no else came to your birthday party.


That’s okay. I have a confession to make ... it’s not really my birthday.




You totally hate me now, don’t you?


No, I could never hate you. I knew it wasn’t your birthday.



But how?


We’re Facebook friends and I know your birthday is in May.


But then wh--

BOY puts his finger to her lips and shushes her. Their eyes meet. They totally make out. Like, hard core.

And bam! Problem solved. No, no need to thank me. It’s reward enough to know that I’ve made it possible for you two crazy kids to finally get together.

2 Responses to “Dating Advice”

  1. Ninjahero Says:

    LMAO. Nice to know you devote your free time to helping out those in need Mach.

  2. Mach Says:

    I’m a giving kind of guy.