Archive for November, 2016

The Halloween Video I’m Never Making

Sunday, November 13th, 2016

So I had this silly idea for a Halloween video with my kid:

INT. HOUSE -- EVENING

TYLER is working on his computer at home when he hears a knock at the door. He walks over, opens the door, and sees KID VAMPIRE.

KID VAMPIRE

Hi!

TYLER

Err ... hi?

KID VAMPIRE

Can I come in?

TYLER (SUSPICIOUSLY)

Are you a vampire?

KID VAMPIRE

No.

TYLER

Oh, okay.

CUT TO:

INT. HOUSE -- EVENING

TYLER is lying on the floor and KID VAMPIRE is biting his neck.

NARRATOR (V.O.)

Although vampires can not enter a household without first being invited in, they can, in fact, lie. Protect yourself by following these precautions:

CUT TO:

TYLER is shoving GARLIC towards KID VAMPIRE, outside the door.

NARRATOR (V.O.)

Garlic.

KID VAMPIRE

Hiss!

CUT TO:

TYLER is splashing HOLY WATER on KID VAMPIRE, outside the door.

NARRATOR (V.O.)

Holy water.

KID VAMPIRE

Hiss!

CUT TO:

TYLER is waving a CRUCIFIX on KID VAMPIRE, outside the door.

NARRATOR (V.O.)

Or a crucifix.

KID VAMPIRE

What’s that?

NARRATOR (V.O.)

Note, crucifixes may not be effective against heathen vampires.

I thought it was cute. I told my wife about it and she thought it was hilarious. So she asked Dyson if he was excited to make a video with Papa and he said, “I don’t want to.” And that was that. I mean, I tried asking a couple times after that, even offering bribes of video game time. But if you’ve ever been in a contest of wills with a six-year-old, you know how it ends. Also, making videos is my thing, not his.

I’ll be honest. I was a little crestfallen. I had visions of us having fun together making silly videos like this, especially at this age because he’s adorable. But he takes after his mom and he hates performing. He’s much more interested in baseball and running cross country, which I have no idea where he gets. Fortunately, he’s really into video games and cartoons like me, so we bonded over that instead.

Anyways, it can be disappointing when things don’t turn out the way you hope, but you can’t control other people and it’s important to focus on what you can do and what is good.

And yes, this has been a metaphor for how I dealt with the election.